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All of us have had to interact with angry people and individuals who are looking for the smallest chance to argue, and it is not a big deal to recover after such a conversation no matter how intense it is. But what if the person who never compromises and looks for drama is someone you are very close to? And what can you do to safeguard yourself from their anxiety, anger, and frustration?
In this guide we will explore the traits of a person with a high-conflict personality, see how this negativity affects people around them, and learn how to move past the anger and aggression to protect your mental health.
What Is a High-Conflict Personality?
A high-conflict personality is a term used to describe people who keep causing and engaging in intense conflicts and arguments in their personal and professional relationships. It means a person has a tendency to escalate minor disagreements, shift blame to other people, exhibit intense emotions when it is not warranted, and get caught in all-or-nothing thinking.
This personality type is not formally recognized as a mental health diagnosis – there is a misconception that it is a personality disorder just like borderline personality disorder which is not true. Regardless of this fact, individuals who frequently engage in conflicts can benefit from therapy and medication just like people who received a specific diagnosis – moreover, they can improve the lives of their families and friends in the process.
High-Conflict Personality Traits and Behaviors
It is important to distinguish the behavioral patterns of a high-conflict personality to know how to communicate with them or offer them to speak to a mental health professional:
- They tend to see everything in extreme terms – there is rarely a gray area or a nuanced perspective.
- They will react with aggressiveness and blame-shifting to any kind of criticism aimed at them.
- They may exhibit intense emotions when the situation does not warrant such behavior.
- They see themselves as victims of the situation and do everything in their power to avoid apologizing or accepting their mistakes.
- They cannot reflect on their behavior and cannot even understand which words or actions may have hurt others.
- They cannot put themselves in others’ shoes due to lack of empathy.
Impact on Relationships
Unfortunately, people who often engage in extreme behavior will have problems in personal relationships with their family and friends. For instance, studies have confirmed that living in a high-conflict family environment will affect all the members of the family unit especially adolescents. Here is how an individual with this type of personality will impact people around them:
| Negative Impact | Description |
| Frequent Arguments | Regardless of the topic of discussion, the person will initiate a lasting argument which will undermine the stability of your relationship |
| Avoidance of Communication | They may attempt to manipulate you with silent treatment or try to avoid a serious subject leaving you frustrated and resentful |
| Emotional Dysregulation | Due to constant conflicts, it is hard to predict the emotions of the individual as well as their mood – their thoughts and emotions are all over the place which often results in anger and passive-aggressive behavior |
| Trust Issues | There may be issues with trusting the person who hurt you just like the inability to create a deep bond with another individual if you were hurt by the high-conflict personality in the past |
| Development of Mental Health Conditions | When you are forced to dedicate your time to conflicts and to maintain a balance between your own needs and the wishes of a high-conflict personality, your mental wellness takes a backseat, and you may struggle with anxiety, depression, and trauma in the long run |
Coping Strategies for Interacting With High-Conflict Personalities
Despite the presence of problems, it is possible to deal with high-conflict personalities and ensure their behavior does not prevent you from accomplishing your personal and professional goals:
| Strategy | Description |
| Take the Time to Understand Them | While there are many individuals who will start an argument just for the sake of causing drama, other people are focused on negativity out of fear of abandonment or rejection which makes them defensive – you should show compassion to a person whose behavior is different from yours |
| Set and Maintain Boundaries | Your needs, preferences, and limits matter, and the other individual must be aware of them. If they break the rules when interacting with you, they need to know you will not excuse their behavior, and some kind of punishment is inevitable regardless of how hard it is for you to enforce the consequences |
| Avoid Escalation | It may be smarter – and safer – to detach yourself temporarily from the drama in question, observe the situation objectively, and take a moment before you respond to a personal attack |
| Get Professional Help | If you are trying to fix your relationship with a family member, partner, or friend, you should consider therapy where you discuss your grievances with a therapist and learn how to reframe negative feelings and prevent resentment from festering. Alternatively, you can try individual therapy and heal yourself |
Managing Conflict
Arguments with people who start talking to you while expecting a confrontation can be exhausting but there is a way to navigate these interactions as well. Concentrate on finding a solution and compromise instead of assigning blame, make sure your conversation with the person is brief, go straight to the point, be ready to defuse the situation, and avoid vague phrases and sarcasm so that the other individual does not misinterpret your intentions.
Examples in Everyday Situations
Let us take a look at a few ways a high-conflict personality will express themselves in everyday life:
- They may intentionally push or hit you in order to get a reaction from you or attract your attention.
- They might attempt to control you and track your movements and actions against your will.
- They may spread rumors about you to force you into an argument with them or to damage your reputation for personal gain.
- They are not ready to take responsibility for their own choices – instead, they utilize blame-shifting and respond with aggressiveness.
- They will not take criticism lightly – it is hard for them to accept their mistakes even when nothing is on the line.
Professional Help and Resources
While a therapist will be able to help their patient recognize the error of their ways and pick a therapy modality, you may look directly into undergoing treatment based on cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavior therapy, or anger management classes in order to address your issues.
Alternatively, you should research local organizations that offer help to people who suffered from emotional abuse and physical violence if dealing with high-conflict personalities led to serious consequences. Reach out to a non-profit organization that helps people like you to talk to a counselor about the problems you are facing right now or processing if you suffered in the past – for instance, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence has helped many people to realize the danger they are in and escape relationships fueled by toxicity and abuse.
Navigate Conflicts With Pacific Coast Mental Health
Whether you suffer from high-conflict personalities and are looking for effective methods to heal from confrontations or to become more resilient as you continue your interactions with these people or you notice your own behavior crosses some lines and alienates others, you should seek professional guidance.
At Pacific Coast Mental Health, we can provide you with comfort and a buffer against never-ending stress as well as teach you how to deal with deep-seated emotional issues that do not let you become the best version of yourself – contact us today and begin a mental health journey.
FAQs
How does manipulative behavior manifest in high-conflict personalities?
A high-conflict personality will try to force you to comply with intimidation and threats, deny reality to gaslight you during the argument, generalize, exaggerate, and blame others for their own shortcomings.
What role does emotional instability play in developing a high-conflict personality?
It is common for a person who keeps searching for and escalating conflicts to struggle emotionally – they cannot stay focused due to stress and anxiety, they cannot express themselves in a constructive manner, and they cannot control their emotional outbursts hurting themselves and others.
How can blame-shifting and defensiveness indicate a high-conflict personality?
It is essential to look for ways to de-escalate the situation and find a compromise, even if it means certain discomfort. When an individual keeps avoiding personal responsibility, tries to change the topic, and does not care if someone else suffers as a result of blame-shifting, it means they have certain high-conflict personality traits.
Why is aggressive communication common in high-conflict personalities?
Verbal and physical aggression feel like the only chance for a high-conflict personality to accomplish their goals – while you may think that a respectful interaction is what you need, they truly feel like they can only protect their point of view with yelling and hostility.
How does a lack of empathy and rigid thinking contribute to sensitivity to criticism?
Criticism is not inherently bad but when you cannot empathize with other people, you start seeing yourself in a bad light as well. The same goes for cognitive inflexibility – you cannot take a break to reflect on your successes and failures if you are unable to adapt or consider alternative perspectives.
